How to cut down a massive tree

We are all about education here at The Steiner Family blog.  You'll get family fun pictures, the occasional cooking/recipe post, and now here's one on landscaping for your enjoyment.

How to cut down a big 'ole tree in your front yard.  This happens to be a massive sweet gum tree (can't stand those balls that drop all over the place!).  Actually, it was a cluster of 3 trees, but the other ones were much smaller and I didn't get a picture of those before they got cut down.

Anyway, so here's how you cut down an unwanted tree.

1.  Marry a man that loves to dig in the dirt.  :)  This is key.  (It's a bonus if he's cute and his baby girl adores him.)  :)

2.  Have access to, or buy your very own tractor.

3.  Position tractor so that the backhoe attachment is pushing the tree in the direction you want it to fall.

4.  Grab your chainsaw and get to cutting.  First cutting on the front side of the tree, and then cutting a wedge in the backside of the tree to weaken it.

Take a look... make sure you are doing it right.

5.  Grab your axe "thingy" and metal wedge "thingamajig" and pound it into the backside of the tree.

6.  Pick up your chainsaw and get after it from the other side.

7.  Sense that the tree is falling and duck and run.  Don't forget to say TIMBER!!!

Take a look back... this is the fun part!

SUCCESS!

8.  Start cutting off the limbs so that you can get it hauled off to the burn pile.  This part might take a little while...

9. Dig out the root ball and begin the plan of attack for the removal of said MASSIVE root ball that was the base of the tree.  

10.  Gently pull the root ball out of the ground.  And don't tell your wife until a few days later just how dangerous this process is.  Don't tell her that you know of a person who was doing something quite similar and the chain broke loose and hit the person in the head and killed him.  No... keep that information to yourself.  But for the love of your family, be careful!

11.  Drag that joker to the back of your house and dump it somewhere out of sight.

12.  Leave a large hole in the front yard.

13.  Call it a day and fill in the hole the next day.  Go inside and get yourself some dinner.  I'll bet your wife made some chicken pot pie, just the way you like it.  :)  Wait a second... how did she have time to do that if she was photographing your tree removal process?  (You must have married some kind of super woman!)  It's a mystery... the world may never know.