If you've never commented before... today is your day. I need advice. Toddler advice... on how the get my child to stop screaming/crying/kicking when I tell her it's bedtime. I'm at my wits end here. Here's our typical evening (it's pretty much the same routine every day, that should help, right?):
5:15 pm - arrive home from work... start fixing/wondering what's for dinner
6:00 - 6:30 pm - dinner/clean up
7:00 pm - playtime/read a few books/maybe go outside for a few minutes
7:30 pm - bath
7:45 pm - more books/winding down/last sip of milk offered
8:00 pm - Daddy get's kisses/I love yous/off to bed
8:00 - 8:10 pm - I try to get Lauren to settle down/rock in the rocking chair/sing hymns
8:15 pm - I've left her room by now and she begins wailing... calling for Mama... this can go on for up to 30 minutes some nights.
Here's what I have tried in order to stop this vicious cycle:
1. Going back in her room the minute she starts crying...
2. Waiting it out a few minutes to see if the crying will stop, when it doesn't I go back in there
3. Daddy goes in her room with a firmer voice to get her to stop crying and go "nite-nite"
The thing is - this doesn't happen every night. I used to put her to bed at 7:30 thinking that she was super tired and needed more sleep because she doesn't nap well at daycare (they allot 2 hours for naps and she usually only sleeps for 1 hour; however on the weekends she's been known to sleep for 12 hours at night and take a 3 hour or more nap). So, I pushed her bedtime back to 8:00 thinking that she would cry less because she would be ready for bed, but that just hasn't worked either. She is getting about 10 hours of sleep at night during the week... is that enough? Is she crying because she is just overly tired? She does everything and asks for everything she can think of in order to avoid going to bed at night...
Lauren: muk? (milk)
Mama: No, baby, you don't need any more milk, you just had some.
Lauren: Tee-tee potty?
Mama: Remember? You just tee-tee'd in the a few minutes ago.
Lauren: Book?
Mama: Sweetheart we just read 3 books before we came in your room to go nite-nite... it's time for bed, okay.
Lauren: Daddy?
Mama: Baby, you just told Daddy nite-nite and gave him hugs and kisses... sweetheart it's time for bed okay...
The above is the conversation that happens everynight in the rocking chair in her room as we rock... sometimes she will look up at me and say "Nite-nite" and I'll ask her if she wants to get in the bed and she says "Yes", but the minute I put her down she reaches her arms up and says, "Mama! Rock?" because she wants to rock some more... and I just can't say No to that because my baby asked me to rock her...
I feel guilty if I don't rock her because I know she wants her Mama.... but I also feel guilty because I think I am prolonging the routine and not teaching her how to fall asleep on her own...
What do I do? She didn't always do this... she used to just talk herself to sleep and not cry at all... I don't know what changed.
Help!
5 comments:
Bedtime Battles are so difficult! Taylor has just started fussing a little and I really think it has to do with the time change. I mean...the sun is still bright and sunny at 7:30-8:00, you know? Taylor just recently moved from going to bed at 7:00 to 7:30. We wake her up at 6:45 or she would probably sleep until 7:30. She usually requires 12 hours of sleep. Lauren may be overly tired. It wouldn't hurt to try putting her down earlier to see. Taylor is normally fine when we first lay her down, and then she will fuss for a few minutes or call me but it will last maybe 2-3 minutes. We read books before bed but I normally don't read them in her room, and this may be bad...but I've never rocked her. I totally see how it would be so hard to not rock your baby when she asks for it. I wish I had more advice! I would say start putting her to bed a little early, and then you may just have to let her cry it out and see how she does. I know that is so hard to do! I bet it would only last a couple of nights and she would realize that she needs to go to sleep. I do think that you should try to stop the bedtime battle before changing her to a big girl bed or she'll be hopping out of it and crying at the door! Let us know how it goes because I may need to do the same things in the next couple of months...although I'm thinking about moving Taylor to a big girl bed soon! Yikes!
I have no children yet so this is not a tried and tested approach. Would a nite nite routine chart help (one with pictures since she can't read). When you read books, she can put a sticker or whatever on the chart to mark it off. That way it is a visual reminder that all the steps have been completed.
Like I said, I really don't know if this is a good idea. But I hope you find the right solution for you guys!
You said "She used to just talk herself to sleep and not cry at all... I don't know what's changed."
I know what's changed.
She's learned how to get to you. I don't mean that in a bad way, it's just that she KNOWS that momma can't resist those sweet words "Mama... rock?" I couldn't either!
Chris had to hold me back from running to Kennedy's room when she would do this same thing. Honestly, the only thing that worked for Kennedy (and now works for Brady) is cyring it out.
But there is a certain method we followed. It's called the "Ferber Method." See what you think....
http://www.babycenter.com/0_the-ferber-method-demystified_7755.bc
2suggestions:
-don't say "okay" at the end of your sentences; it may make her think it's up for debate.
-let her cry it out, but i never let M go for more than 30 minutes
It sounds like you are doing everything right. Although you haven't changed anything toddlers are constantly changing and learning new things. I noticed with my kids and other parents confirmed this that my children didn't sleep well when they were about to start doing something new. I think they just feel a little insecure during those times and need their mommy more. My kids have both gone through stages where they didn't go to sleep well or would wake up at night etc. but it usually doesn't last very long. Crying it out may be the answer, but I usually found that if I just gave my kids what they needed like extra time with me or an extra story before bed they were fine after a week or so and didn't need that anymore. Just do whatever you feel most comfortable with and know it will pass soon. I also agree with Lauren about not saying "okay" even though I do it all the time with not thinking. Just be consistent and firm with whatever you decide while being sensitive to her emotional needs. Lauren is so blessed to have a mommy and daddy who treasure her and care for her the way you do. It is evident that you are wonderful parents!
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